One rainy day several years ago, Finnish equine photographer and journalist, Anni Lehto; my husband Jay; and I were observing a family of mustangs meandering down the hills north east of Virginia City, Nevada, onto an elementary school parking lot.There were two pregnant bay mares; two foals, one a strawberry roan, the other a bay; a strawberry roan yearling; and a strawberry roan stallion.
It was easy to identify the alpha mare. She was older, a bit larger, and appeared to be lost in thought as she studied the falling rain.
The stallion waited patiently behind.
Once she made her decision, the alpha mare quietly moved from the front of the group for a quick discussion with the stallion.
As she returned to the head of the line, she nudged the little ones in place.
When she was satisfied that everyone was in single file, she returned to the head of the line, paused, and quietly stepped forward. 
Her soft strides created a ripple effect through the others and each in turn began slowly inching forward.
Finally, the omega stallion swished his tail as if to announce to the world that he would propel and protect his family from the rear, as he picked up the slow, relaxed march.
The alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end, the mare and the stallion, they were the entire world to the four equines sandwiched between them. There was no rush or worry as the little family moved on. They were relaxed, even dignified, as the alpha mare led the way. The family was cozy and trusting in between, and the omega stallion defended from behind.
This true story is important to us as equestrians. Once horses are weaned they often are forced into developing new relationships, new bonds, with a totally different, two-legged species. However, their paramount need for a family is still intact.
To our horses, we must become the alpha and omega, the mother and father if we want happy, healthy equine partners. We truly are the givers, sustainers, and takers of their lives. We are their leaders, their motivators, and their protectors. We decide whether they are calm, relaxed, and trusting or whether they are anxious and fear us. This is a responsibility that we must acknowledge and accept. When we bully, hurt, frighten, or force them, we become the predator they want to escape rather than the parent they willingly follow.
If we think about the characteristics of successful parents, we find some common parenting skills that work as well with horses as they do with humans:
- Good parents are wise, patient and kind. Patience and kindness without wisdom is dangerous. Patience and kindness provides the environment but it is wisdom that teaches and provides safe boundaries. It is wisdom that prevents us, our children, and our horses from injuries.
- Good parents empathize, encourage, and support. Empathizing means to try to see the situation through the child’s or horse’s eyes. Encouragement means to celebrate the small successes, the first step, the first word, that later builds into mastery of movements and expressions. Support means to give just enough assistance so that learners stay motivated to reach their goals.
- Good parents build trust, not fear. They want their children and their horses to be relaxed and unafraid. Tension leads to upsets and injuries.
- Good parents are quick to praise. Praise for a job well done, whether it’s learning a new spelling word or a new movement, builds self-confidence and empowers children and horses to tackle new experiences.
- Good parents understand age-appropriate behavior and do not have unrealistic expectations. For example, both young children and young horses are curious and put everything in their mouths, they make messes and break things. Expect it! Prepare for it!
- Good parents protect. Both children and horses need to be reassured that they will be protected from harm. They also need to be taught what is and what is not harmful.
- Good parents model good behavior. Calmness breeds calmness. Trust builds trust.
Yes, accidents do happen, as does occasional inappropriate behavior. That is why wise parents are prepared. They accept that they cannot predict the future but they do their best to prepare their children and their horses to also practice wisdom, patience, and kindness. They take their role as the alpha and omega of their two and four-legged family seriously.
By Chris Forté
Here are more articles regarding building a strong bond with your horse where he views you as his leader and friend:
WHO IS IN YOUR HORSE’S CIRCLE OF TRUST